1. |
still
04:26
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|
take off the world, be what you are
a small speck of dust on a small speck of star
try to be still, try to sink down
a rock in a pool, you stay deep but don't drown
make your own way, though some of it hurts
don't let the pain make you doubt your own worth
small flecks of light can be seen in your eyes
small flecks of joy, to hold on, to get by
are you what you dream of when you sleep?
are you all the old times that you seek?
take the lock off your heart and hold out the key
why's it so strange to say what you mean?
and when will you feel it? when will you grieve it?
sit on a bench, pick up a snack
say hi to a friend and find your way back
there's far too much you can think of to fear
you don't need to be fine, you just need to be here
are we what we wish for when we cry?
are we just a way to pass the time?
you hold on to hope like you don't have a choice
you find it so hard to be still in the noise
just know that we love you, and all that is of you
just know that we love you, and all that is of you
|
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2. |
beef
03:03
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|
I don’t even wanna get out of bed today
it’s just that boring bullshit anyway
it’s just that boring bullshit everyday
all of the same things every single fuckin day
I don’t wanna call you on the phone today
cause all you say is bullshit anyway
yeah all you say is bullshit every day
all of the same things every single fucking day
open up my chest compartment
go ahead dig in
take apart the circuits darling
fix me from within
I don’t know if I could ever be a person like you
I don’t know if maybe I just need a hard reboot
I don’t even wanna get out of bed today
it’s just that boring bullshit anyway
it’s just that boring bullshit everyday
all of the same things every single fuckin day
I don’t wanna call you on the phone today
cause all you say is bullshit anyway
yeah all you say is bullshit every day
all of the same things every single fucking day
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3. |
svalbard
07:06
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|
you’re out there searching,
all alone on this in this cold endless night,
glittering stars you dream we share,
but we’re worlds apart,
the lights dance in the sky,
oh but it’s you I see,
in this desolate quiet,
what if it was meant to be?
the lights dance in the sky,
but it’s you I see,
in this desolate quiet,
maybe it was meant to be.
maybe it was meant to be.
maybe it was meant to be.
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4. |
time
04:00
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|
it’s been ten years and I still haven’t healed
the shadows of your hands still linger on my neck
no cigarettes will wash away your breath
so how am I supposed to breathe?
I thought I could tune out the part of me
you made to worship all of you
you made to crave the things you took
I thought that I could heal from you
but the memories still keep me awake at night
how does it feel to know I’ve still not put my past behind
all this time
it’s been ten years and it’s just like you said
not one day passes by without you at the edge
my consciousness got too used to being hurt
so how am I supposed to heal?
I thought I’d find at least a part of me
you haven’t bent and split in two
something kept away from you
anything you haven’t used
but the memories still keep me awake at night
how does it feel to know I’ve still not put our past behind
all this time
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5. |
the garden
03:22
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|
I’ve been feeling unstuck in time
I’m concealing a shift, I’m adrift, it’s a mystery
how did I get here?
where was I going?
and what else did I miss?
held up by feeble bridges, swaying in the wind
fraying lines and metal screeches, I think I’m falling in
I thought I’d sit out back this afternoon
what month is it? I’ve lost track; oh, the garden’s in bloom
when did that happen?
I hope that I helped you
I hope that at least I tried
held up by feeble bridges, swaying in the wind
fraying lines and metal screeches, I think I’m falling in
it’s not déjà vu, it’s a broken mirror
I’m not getting through, I wish that I could disappear
endless iterations of the same same old things
muted conversations, not concerned with what each days brings
repetition spoken in rhyme (spoken in rhyme)
and I’m sorry for wasting your time
falling hurts but failure teaches, the clouds are rolling in
a daring flower sunward reaches, everything ends and begins
held up by feeble bridges, swaying in the wind
fraying lines and metal screeches, I think I’m falling in
I think I’m falling in
I think I’m falling in
|
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6. |
someone else's song
04:23
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hear the rain fall
don’t say a word
singing silent lullabies into your ears
we’re barely holding
we can’t be heard
and the melodies of hope are laced with fear
and you might grow up to sing someone else’s song
well, who could blame you?
what else could you hear?
and if you grow old and find that something else is wrong
at least you’re there
at least one more year
hear the storm call
feel the pressure mount
remember when the skies were always clear
our days are numbered
so we learn to count
Hoping numbers that we don’t know might appear
Can we still breathe with just soft and dying song
Like a fleeting memory
Soon to disappear
We left a broken home, but we couldn’t fly for long
But at least we’re there
At least another year
And all my cousins, silent as me
Hiding from the horrors that we meet
Deceptive hymns resounding through the trees
Though the words are wrong, I hope you hear the underlying beat
So, hear the sunlight
Speak your mind
Hold on to the rhythms you hold dear
Stumble forward
If you feel blind
If you’re lucky, you can make it out of here
And if you grow old singing someone else’s song
Well, sing it loudly
It’s your song now
And if there’s a day when nothing else is wrong
I hope you remember
My song somehow
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7. |
||||
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when is the subtext just text?
I’m caught in the crossfire
and I can’t get over your
insult to injury, this slope is so slippery
I can’t stop this now ‘cause I’m in it too far
so let’s go
(insult to injury)
now I am gone (now I am gone)
everything’s changed (everything’s changed)
what am I if not myself? (If not myself?)
a subject of pilgrimage (of pilgrimage)
now I am gone (now I am gone)
transformed in death (transformed in death)
virginal in verdigris (virginal in verdigris)
corrupted fertility (corrupted fertility)
(insult to injury) (x6)
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8. |
dumb
03:00
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made the same mistake i always do
i reached out and touched him too soon
after we met
for a second all the seconds stood still
until they caught up
and he left
i’m not smart
i do the same things over and over again
i’m not smart
i’m digging until i’m numb
i’m feeling
i’m getting angry with these hands
these fingers don’t dance cross the keys
like they used to
i still remember how it felt to paint sound
now i’m an artist
with no muse
i’m not smart
i do the same things over and over again
i’m not smart
i’m digging until i’m numb
i’m feeling
i don’t know what
i am doing
days keep passing
i’m not clued in
now i’m older
going nowhere
losing my skills
getting worse
i’m not smart
i do the same things over and over again
i’m not smart
i’m digging until i’m numb
i’m feeling
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9. |
brooklyn
02:44
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artists all around me
anyone need a muse?
its my first week here in bushwick
and i wanna make the news
i’m young, depressed, and pretty
in six-inch platform shoes
im new to drugs and rock and roll
but so far rave reviews
can you hit me with something strong, barkeep?
i wanna see a bruise
he said my days are numbered here
and he’s right
but who’s counting?
i won’t live my life in fear
so tonight
there’s no pouting
if you’re searching for trouble
you can stop lookin
hey there cutie
i’m new to brooklyn
i missed being a fuckup
i never got the chance
my senior prom i took a friend
and didn’t even dance
so now’s the time for catchup
and halfhearted romance
i want to break a lovely thing
and babe i caught your glance
can you hit me with something strong, barkeep?
i wanna see a bruise
he said my days are numbered here
and he’s right
but who’s counting?
i won’t live my life in fear
so tonight
there’s no pouting
if you’re searching for trouble
you can stop lookin
hey there cutie
i’m new to brooklyn
nobody here knows im boring yet
do you think i can put on a show?
i’ve never been angry once in my life
so i’d like to give it a go
if i shotgun beer and shake out my hair
will anyone ever know?
he said my days are numbered here
and he’s right
but who’s counting?
i won’t live my life in fear
so tonight
there’s no pouting
if you’re searching for trouble
you can stop lookin
hey there cutie
i’m new to brooklyn
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10. |
tomorrow's yesterday
03:51
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a dream of what we saw below
desolation, afterglow
things that never were and never will
over over again
and now i walk into the fog
without you by my side
into the fire that knows my name
over over again
where i once stood tall
something else remains
you followed it in to the darkness
and buried me there all alone
when i fell into
the void between us
i saw who we were then
over over again
and now you walk into the fog
without me by your side
into the fire that knows your name
over over again
where i once stood tall
something else remains
you followed it in to the darkness
and buried me there all alone
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11. |
night
05:28
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it’s not me, I can tell
the world falls down while you sleep
I can’t reach out to you
there’s nothing I can do
waking nightmare, you won’t speak
I don’t know what it is you need
we are trapped in this house
there’s nothing I can do
and if you leave me
I won’t complain
it doesn’t feel like
we’ve been together in months
and if you need me
then I’ll be by your side
until the dawn breaks
and you open your eyes
I sit next to you (x8)
you lie there like I’m nobody special (x4)
can’t you tell I’m here
say anything
I’ve got nothing left
I’m waking up
in a sweat
I can’t hold the tears back
I look at your face
asking myself
should I wake you from your sleep
and let it all out
my fears and my doubts
I decide to wait until morning
as I drift off to sleep
the voice in my head
bites at me
but when I wake up
and see the bright sun
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12. |
||||
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it’s a tragedy
that you’ll never see
the tire tracks in the snow
‘cause you drove too fast
and didn’t look back
or tell me to let go
see, i listen too carefully
for things i won’t hear
so how should i have known
that your word wasn’t gospel
as you disappeared
my last-straw mortal blow
(let go) dare to ask why
(let go) but a question, a weight
(let go) i pictured your sigh
(let go) how you’d say
always the good guy
never to blame
always the wrong side
never the game
always the new dawn
wasting to shame
always the bleach blond
ash in the flame, ash in the flame
it’s a travesty
that you’ll never see
what’s left behind at home
‘cause time flew and my mind’s new
fits to a tee
the cage it won’t outgrow
all alone, i’m still
shambling to pieces
could never find peace
unless i could finally show
‘stead of waiting to melt
until after the freeze
i was more than what you know
(you know) dare to ask why
(you know) but an answer, a weight
(you know) i pictured my cries
(you know) how i’d say
always the good guy
never to blame
always the wrong side
never the game
always the new dawn
wasting to shame
always the bleach blond
ash in the flame, ash in the flame
ash in the flame, ash in the flame
doesn’t matter anyway
if i could meet myself, i’d scream
don’t waste your life on faith
say your goodbyes, but know
your someone isn’t there
hold on tight, but know
you’re clinging to thin air
say your goodbyes
a silhouette now if you stare
hold on tight, you know
your world’s got room to spare
that you’ll fill with empty prayer
always the good guy
never to blame
always the wrong side
never the game
always the new dawn
wasting to shame
always the bleach blond
ash in the flame, ash in the flame
ash in the flame, ash in the flame
ash in the flame
ash in the flame
ash in the flame
ash in the flame, ash in the flame
ash in the flame
ash in the flame
ash in the flame
ash in the flame
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13. |
||||
|
*cool synth noises*
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14. |
the seabed mapper
02:40
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*yet more cool synth noises*
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15. |
POINT NEMO
04:16
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you always knew how to send me to the stars
you knew my heart
now the beacon that burned so steady has gone dark
we're going dark
closer to home than I've ever been
yet so alone, floating gently
wondering if our trajectory
was faulty from the start?
looking back it feels inevitable
heavy in your arms, your dreadful pull
at the mercy of burning words, your heat, all the worlds of possibility
now in the cold embrace of gravity
you lost me, you lost me
you've forgotten all we ever were
but I still remember
can you hear me? over
I still need you, over
I can't believe it's over
it's over
it's over
lost at sea since you left me
slowly bleeding hydrazine
you ran me out of delta-V at
the pole of inaccessibility
sinking since you crashed me down
where dreams of the future are left to drown
no longer of any use to you
you threw me away in the deep blue
when our words would fill the empty space
between microwaves and cosmic rays
images in infrared still resonate in rusted memory
now in these crushing depths I cannot breathe, I can't breathe (I can't breathe)
all the oxygen I'll ever need
and nothing left to say
can you hear me? over
I still need you, over
I can't believe it's over
it's over
it's over
lost at sea since you left me
slowly bleeding hydrazine
you ran me out of delta-V at
the pole of inaccessibility
sinking since you crashed me down
where dreams of the future are left to drown
no longer of any use to you
you threw me away in the deep blue
can you hear me? over
I still need you, over
I can't believe it's over
it's over
it's over
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16. |
||||
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this is not an elevator song
it's not about how they go up
and how they go down
like the notes on the board
and the sound of these chords
and the path yet explored
goodnight, town
what it is is a sweet little song
it's not too short and (oh god i hope that)
it won't be too long
there's a chill to the air
and i just can't bear
moving on
so long, so long
not a day may pass us by
where i don't stop and sweetly sigh
and think of those end-of-summer nights
but the night's just comin' right on down
and autumn's in its bright red crown
will wear itself until it's dead and brown
and i'll be by your side
and i'll be by your side
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17. |
castle hill
08:47
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a graveyard kind of fits
what I think of it now
as all my disparate bits
finally take their due bows
we walked amongst the dead
more alive than ever
“all horrible” we said
so why’d you take whatever
“you can’t leave me with them”
is what I should’ve said
I followed every whim
to get that boy in your bed
no you’re not an angel
I think I learnt that long ago
but I crawl up in a shell
when you pop in to say “hello”
do I miss you, or do I just want to apologise?
for fucking everything up, the girls, the girls forever.
1578 days later
I’ll find your name
in my phone
I’ll find the things we used to say
and the guilt will bury me whole
and the guilt will bury me whole
and the guilt will bury me whole
and the guilt will bury me whole
|
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18. |
belfast
04:43
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|
small change in a silver bowl
water laps at the end of it all
droplets that dare you to sink into something more comfortable
i'm in love with a new word
multisyllabic, like something unheard
a key for a box that i promised would always stay closed
but things change when i let them
life rafts to the centre
cutting of clothes that are in the way of chest compressions
i said i'd be happy either way - that was only half true.
so why
don't you leave
i heard you asking
why
don't you leave
if spirits haunt you
why
don't you leave
i heard you asking
why
don't you leave
this city is killing me
belfast is sinking straight into the sea
exorcists line up to break down every door on the street
and i've picked up a new plan
something little, that does things i can't
like make air for itself as long as i give it water
but things change when i let them
floating point rounding errors
deleting software to make room for the singing lessons
i said i could live anywhere - and that was true.
so why
don't you leave
i heard you asking
why
don't you leave
if spirits haunt you
why
don't you leave
i heard you asking
why
don't you leave
so why
don't you leave
i heard you asking
why
don't you leave
if spirits haunt you
why
don't you leave
i heard you asking
why
don't you leave
so why
don't you leave
i heard you asking
why
don't you leave
if spirits haunt you
why
don't you leave
i heard you asking
why
don't you leave
(why
don't you leave
i heard you asking
why)
so why
don't you leave
i heard you asking
why
don't you leave
if spirits haunt you
why
don't you leave
i heard you asking
why
don't you leave
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19. |
||||
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we bleed like the sun
messy, hot, and fast
you, our golden child out there
us, an icarus to laugh at
baby bird, adrift in vacant winds
buoyed by the unknown while we choke and drown and sink
our buildings burn; did the fires make it in?
transmitting now; is there anyone listening?
astronaut can you feel the walls cave closer
they're getting closer
in the light of the shuttle, the world’s too calm
a gentle reminder of a home that was
scared of the answer, but silence kills
i’ll take anything over the chance no one’s left
(transmitting now; is there anyone listening?)
when i'm gone, will anybody notice?
would you notice?
before i go i’d like to bleed
to feel anything at all
i’m not afraid
don’t feel anything at all
(anything’s bearable in the end as long as we’ve got a way to look forward to, forward to)
i’m not afraid
to feel anything at all
|
||||
Fourth Strike Records Belfast, UK
a label of artists, mainly queer, trans, and fandom-related.
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