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STRIKE TWO​​​!​​​!

by Fourth Strike Records

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1.
My head is as cluttered as my desk Got everything I need, but most of it’s regrets now. Sometimes I leave my mum on read 'cause I don’t want to lie and say I’m out of bed now. My head is as cluttered as my desk I can’t find anything, what did I forget now? My therapist says that I’m depressed, but what does she expect: lost my pills in all the mess now. My head is as cluttered as my desk Got everything I need, but most of it’s regrets and Sometimes I leave my mum on read 'cause I don’t want to lie and say I’m out of bed now. Learned when I was 29 that I had a twin. Kind of fucking sucks 'cause I’ll never get to meet them. Wonder if they were the tidy one? If they were the bright and shiny one? Cos I’m a fucking catastrophe And I’ll always be: I just can’t compete. My head is as cluttered as my desk I can’t find anything, what did I forget now? My therapist says that I’m depressed, but what does she expect: lost my pills in all the mess now. My head is as cluttered as my desk Got everything I need, but most of it’s regrets and Sometimes I leave my mum on read 'cause I don’t want to lie and say I’m out of bed now. When I’m feeling down, I buy shit I don’t need. My office is a wasteland 'cause discontent isn’t cheap. (so I) Stack my bills up high. Utilities is paid, put the rest in the pile with a few pages of my manuscript: it’ll be a masterpiece once I actually start it. My head is as cluttered as my desk Got everything I need, but most of it’s regrets now Sometimes I leave my mum on read 'cause I don’t want to lie, cos I don’t want to lie. My head is as cluttered as my desk I can’t find anything, what did I forget now? My therapist says that I’m depressed, but what does she expect: lost my pills in all the mess now. My head is as cluttered as my desk Got everything I need, but most of it’s regrets and Sometimes I leave my mum on read 'cause I don’t want to lie and say I’m out of bed now.
2.
no
3.
everyday x3 i burnout trying to make a difference have a say x3 i've never felt so spent and lied to everyday x3 i paste the same damn smile on my face have a say x3 only if you're cis and straight well i'm just fed up with playing it straight i'm done, i'm done with this plaster white bouquet I can’t just let my days tick away not now, not now you can't rinse me down the drain Can’t paint my petals away I won’t wilt until i'm in the grave well i'm just fed up with playing it straight i'm done, i'm done with your plaster white bouquet disarray x3 i can’t trust myself will I be waylaid? complicate x3 I’m overwhelmed with doubt I can’t keep up the pace disarray x3 I can’t put on the mask façade broken, I’m dazed have a say x3 only if you’ve got what it takes
4.
The ice gathers weight Cracking both me and the branches But I hold to the course And drive ahead straight I will cry after Like I always do And when the ice is gone Even if the damage remains One day the vinca minor Will be blooming in the whiplash Of the highs and lows Its too much for me And my fragile hopes I'll cry after Like I always do And when the ice is gone Even if the damage remains One day the vinca minor Will be blooming It's not as simple as choosing to just be okay By this point you would have tried that anyway It's not your fault, dear. that not how it works And when the pain is gone Even if the damage remains One day The vinca minor Will be blooming And when the pain is gone Even if the damage remains One day The vinca minor Will be blooming
5.
I think that I've forgotten what it's like to feel alive And I don't know exactly how I'm supposed to feel I've been stuck inside this house for such a long, long time That it's hard to tell if time is even real Just rest, go to sleep What the hell are you still doing up, anyway? Just rest, tomorrow is calling you And what the hell are you still doing up, anyway? It's okay if I destroy myself It doesn't matter if no one else can see But me I haven't cut my hair and all the dye has faded out And I'm up past two, just staring at a screen Just rest, go to sleep What the hell are you still doing up, anyway? Just rest, tomorrow is calling you And what the hell are you still doing up, anyway? But it happens every night But it happens every night But it happens every night Maybe this time it'll be alright
6.
song by LCS (lordcakespy.bandcamp.com), guitars by Alian (agent392.bandcamp.com)
7.
I know You will forget what you’ve already lost You will remember that which you still hold And burn to ashes what remains of me I know You’ll look back upon this very day And you won’t know what to say Because you will Forget me And so I’ll stop you there There’s no use talking to me There’s no use in looking at me I’m leaving now And I Will make sure you can’t remember me I will make myself forgettable Whether I want to or not You won’t see This body I’ll change my body I’ll change my mind So if I ever meet you again You’ll just pay me no mind I’ll never come back to this Town again Not after where I will have been I’ll be far away But if By misfortune, I see your face again It’s comforting to know You won’t see mine You won’t see This body I’ll change my body I’ll change my mind So if I ever meet you again You’ll just pay me no mind You won’t see This body I’ll change my body I’ll change my mind So if I ever meet you again You’ll just pay me no mind
8.
bury me under your skin i'll be whatever need me to be i can find the contagion within free of sin i can breathe sulfur and smoke i can breathe coal and tar and not choke the room i stayed in with you when you broke smelled of oak bury me under your skin i'll be your cage and won't hand you the key i can be the same person you've been weak and thin i can be failure or bliss a half remembered thought quickly dismissed from flesh cold steel is stealing a kiss just like this --- i am the quiet you need a long forgotten ace up your sleeve i can easily bring you relief or make you bleed the scars i can leave will not fade as long as you're here they'll remain equally split between you and the blade i am the quiet you need a promise and a gift to give you just need to softly push me beneath as agreed the yearning will not go away it'll always be here, lying in wait it will shatter the peace of the nights and dim the days
9.
hindsight always comes to me with the harshest tone to remind me of everything that i’ve done wrong in the present, i live with the consequences of my peculiar combination of an ego and naïveté i’ve managed to cause myself more trouble than even the white old men at church thought i could do, guess i finally proved them wrong about something i can’t say every day brings the same pain that it used to and my therapist says i’m making more progress than i give myself credit for, but i’m not sure that she’s looking at the same person i see in the mirror, my rear view is clearer than anything in front of me my mom and dad keep asking me if i’m happy and sometimes the answer’s yes, but it’s not the question that i’m looking for where do i go from here, is there some other road that i haven’t been told about cause the only map i’ve been given was meant to be driven by a different kind of body i’ve mostly managed to make my forward by finding the routes of least resistance but i’m getting tired can i at least get some help building this higher road i packed my things and moved up north finally got out, finally moving forward into whatever’s next, why can’t i stop myself from thinking bout the past and as luck would have it, it turns out it wasn’t the landscape that made me feel south i can’t outrun the brain that makes my legs move no matter how much older i get i find my heart and brain don’t connect they’re pulling me until i break i am losing my steam i’m running low on sleep from running round i’m running out of false securities and time ain’t slowin down but i am oh i am where do i go from here, is there some other road that i haven’t been told about cause the only map i’ve been given was meant to be driven by a different kind of body i’ve mostly managed to make my forward by finding the routes of least resistance but i’m getting tired can i at least get some help building this higher road
10.
my heart isn’t working in the way that i’d like and it’s keeping me up every single night i know the feeling i know i’m not fine yeah, i know the feeling and i know I'm not fine and every single time i think i’m over this shit every tiny little thing just reminds me of it i just need to sleep yeah, i just need some rest but the thorn in my side is like a sword through the chest i’m gonna take those pills and get the chemicals to make my brain believe that i am happy gonna take those chemicals they’re the ones i need so what? if i stay sad for the rest of my life i’m gonna stay up for the rest of the night and tomorrow is a day that’ll just pass me by and i’ll do it all again til the day that i die and what? if this is not a perfect solution i’m gonna fix this bloodstream with some helpful pollution and i hope that that helps cause i’m out of ideas and i hope that that helps cause i’m out of ideas tomorrow is a day that’ll just pass me by and i’ll do it all again til the day that i die and i’ll do it all again til the day that i die and i’ll do it all again til the day that i die
11.
wrist deep in some week old dishes you get terrified of living there's an advil on the counter by a book you almost read and you see another city in a movie, you consider how the people there are better in the life inside your head somethings changed you block more calls then you take you hate your job get a raise now your rent is always paid on time you wish you could spend your life doing anything you wanted if you just knew what you wanted another friend is turning 30 another friend is getting married another friend moves from the city you try cutting your own hair in the bathroom, in the mirror it's the irony of hating being young and sick of waiting still you always end up right here nothing’s changed you block more calls then you take you quit a job out of spite now your rent is coming late this time you wish you could spend your life doing anything you wanted if you just knew what you wanted when i was thirteen i could swear to god by twenty if not twenty then by twenty five but what the fuck did i know in ‘09? so i've been down and i keep kicking myself all for nothing if i don't amount to something then i'm gonna go out screaming i wanna love my life nothings changed you block more calls then you take you get a job that you like now your rent is always paid on time you wish you could spend your life doing anything you wanted if you just knew what you wanted

credits

released May 7, 2021

Clutterhead written and performed by Robert Anderson (taxarch.bandcamp.com, @potentiallyrob)

the restless blue written and performed by Deidra Skye, saxophone by Rosie Drown

plaster white bouquet written and performed by going nowhere, which is:
yana (@villainousgoo | going-nowhere.bandcamp.com ): vocals, rhythm guitar, writing/composition
Deidra Skye (deidraskye.bandcamp.com): drums, bass, mixing
Rose: lead guitar
dax (@RATWEDNESDAY) and Sci-Fi Boyfriend (sciencefictionboyfriend.bandcamp.com): backing vocals

Vinca Minor written and performed by Tegan Eden (@TeganEden | teganeden.bandcamp.com )

still up? (what the hell) written and performed by bones bones bones (bonesbonesbones.bandcamp.com, @jbonechristian)

down the primrose path by LCS (lordcakespy.bandcamp.com), guitars by Alian (agent392.bandcamp.com)

Forget Me written and performed by Rosie Drown

Dim written and performed by Nose Astronaut (nose-astronaut.bandcamp.com)

higher road written and performed by zack.ry (zackry.bandcamp.com)

CHEMICALS written and performed by NO RISK (no-risk.bandcamp.com)

Tuesday, 10:24 AM written and performed by Girls Occurs (girlsoccurs.bandcamp.com), which is:
Carly Besterman (housephoneband.bandcamp.com, @worsterman) and Max Cohen (noise-land.bandcamp.com, @lastyears_model)

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Fourth Strike Records Belfast, UK

a label of artists, mainly queer, trans, and fandom-related.

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